Had a really fab day in Liverpool today, meeting interesting people – and a great artistic soul too. But people who I believe reserve the right to call themselves my friends sent me what I feel were abusive messages, at the end of the fab day I’ve described: if not abusive, certainly in extremely bad faith. Not much I could do ‘cos they were about as ephemeral as they get, so recourse to the authorities ain’t within my possibilities. And I didn’t feel threatened, ‘cos I don’t get scared by stuff like this – ever since I started flying and driving again. But I do get very very angry. I wrote a post the other day, also in anger, about para-fascism – about people doing to you what’s best for you in their opinion, but never – in truth – consulting you first to see if you agree. So I felt I went too far in that post, and apologised in the succeeding post I wrote the same afternoon. But now I am not so sure I should actually have apologised.
I strongly believe in people taking ownership for their actions: I have attempted to do so as far as I can for many years. And where it has not been possible, I have suffered the consequences: in a way you could argue I have been duly punished over and over. My life has been no emotional bed of roses at all. I have missed out on love, physical contact and the small things of life that make life a big thing.
So in that sense, the universe, its people and I have done stuff to each other which equals things out. And if any party thinks not, then I’m here and quite ready to talk. Tbh, I really haven’t done anything apart from talking about my confusion re the world around me for the past thirteen years – maybe much much more. Clearly I cannot be accused of not trying to communicate with others. Others, however, have abused the trust I placed in them many a time, repeatedly, frequently – and currently too. By not sharing with me the things they know about what has happened to me, they do what no member of our species has a moral right to do: reserve and maintain and sustain a hierarchy of knowledge with respect to the people they should be supporting, embracing and honestly befriending.
Therefore I am going to say this once, and only once: people who consider themselves my friends need to take ownership for all their actions around my person. Meanwhile, people who don’t take ownership for all their actions around my person will not be considered – any longer – friends by me. And if this leaves me to be just about the most solitary being the world witnesses at the moment, then so be it. Because at the same moment, right now, as I write these words, I do sincerely feel I am living a solitary life amongst crowds of ciphers who simply, flatly refuse to engage with me at all; certainly refuse to engage in the good faith any decent human being should have a right to expect of the rest of humanity.