learning to be happy being happy

Over the past year, above and beyond even the Master I shall shortly be studying in Liverpool, my grandest and most permanent achievement is to have gently, sometimes a tad stridently even so, learnt how to be happy about being happy.

I have needed a lot of help along the way, but I myself have put in the hours too.  So it’s actually been the job of a huge and wonderful team, the like of which I shall never experience again.

And I feel treasured and beloved for perhaps the first permanent time in my life.  But most of all, I actually love the life I have; the person I have become; the reactions I come up with; and the small achievements which every day I see myself battling successfully away at it.

It’s possible.  It’s possible to achieve great little things through great big steps.  And to achieve without trampling; without cruelty or abuse; without stamping on the dreams of others.

For there is no better dream than that which liberates the dreams of those around you; no better goal than the one which scores for us all.

I am finally blessed by a life of astonishing richness: and you may not see it; and you may not sense it; and you may not find it easy to believe.  

But I know where I now am.  And it is where I want to be.

the #beatlesstory #liverpool (ii)

I went to a second part of the Beatles Story today.  It was at the Pier Head, and involved a beautifully made immersive and audiovisual – as well as rather wet! – experience.  I enjoyed myself thoroughly, and coupling it with yesterday’s exhibition can entirely and fully recommend the two.

I’ve spent the rest of the day laughing, crying and being utterly impressed by the city of Liverpool, the place and its people.  And to be honest, the possessive is quite the wrong way of attaching the city and people together: it’s a union born of embraces and the love of freedom rather than the ownership of chattels from other century.

And indeed it is true: Liverpool has seen its fair share of such possession: it was built on the slave trade, and required the highest price of the human beings it objectified.

I have cried today at the slave trade, still ongoing in far too many places; still ongoing in certain ways in very private lives.

But my own sadnesses, of which I have both received and severely caused, pale into terrible insignificance when compared with the suffering that slaves have suffered: a suffering which has wrought awful damage in the very interior of their cultural, social and political DNA.

And I would agree most sincerely: there is much slavery around, even now: it involves chains, maybe, but casual assumptions held lightly too.

Though their consequences are anything but light.


I have lived a wonderful day of love to my person today, and I have learnt so much I should already have known.  And I have seen wonderful singers and magnificent bands.  And I have been pursued relentlessly around the Albert Docks by a man and woman who are clearly aiming to be my nemeses.

Yet I bear them no ill: truly quite the opposite.  My amusement at how they made me feel was part of today’s wondrous wondrous moments.

There is no better day than the day you joyfully meet yourself.  And there is no better moment than when meeting yourself, you finally are able to fall in love.

Thank you one and all.  Yous are sincerely, frankly, magnificently … goddamn cool!  And whilst I still don’t know exactly why, nor what my future holds in store, I’m kinda beginning to get an idea.

But we’ll leave that thought for another day, yeah?  Or at least another moment this evening.  First, I need to eat yer know; even I do, sometimes.  Even I do.

And maybe – who knows? – I’ll also get lucky enough one day to have friends and people and family and a life which allows me to share not only a fish supper but also a yellow breakfast or two.

Yellow meaning my future. 

A future of sunrise.

A future of freedom.

cruising in #liverpoolvillage #pierheadliverpool

No.  Not that sort of cruising.  


I am sitting, having a gentle cappuccino, at the Bubbles coffee bar.  And across the way I can see their champagne lounge.  And there are beautiful people sat all around.  And beautiful is who, not what, you are.

And the champagne lounge is set out like a cruise ship.  And you wonder – I wonder – if a champagne lounge on a cruise ship will ever be a place all beautiful people may visit.

And for the moment I am just happy to be here.

Just to be.

To be.